After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
