with your own penis?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
