I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
