4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Come on in and take your pants off
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
