My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I'm really busy with my period
