Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
