Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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