Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
