Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He? As in you personified your dick?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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