hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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