i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
