are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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