I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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