she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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