wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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