Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
