seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my being single is dangerous.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
