I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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