They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
and you fell through a lawn chair
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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