I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
