living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
