she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
