why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
