dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
