Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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