My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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