I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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