i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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