ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
