can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
