Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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