The best revenge is premature balding
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
