Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
