I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
