feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
