I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
