you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
