Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
he's single and there are thong briefs.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
