that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
