The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
