Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
