i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
