already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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