Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
