i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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