On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
