I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
