she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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