Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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