Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
