You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
