i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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