Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
