My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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