not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
