My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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