D3 body, D1 cock
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
