I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
